Intestinal diseases are becoming increasingly common in society. Yet hardly anyone talks about it: the taboo is too big, the topic too disgusting. Wrong, Vivien thinks, and talks about her own personal ordeal with ulcerative colitis.
"Sorry, I have to miss today, I have a stomach ache." Vivien has been postponing appointments like this for years. She rarely meets with understanding. A little tummy ache is no obstacle, she says, it will pass. "But in my case, stomach ache was a euphemism for bad cramps and diarrhoea. But you don't talk about that - especially not as a woman."
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Vivien has always had stomach pains, but the real intestinal problems only emerged when she started her hairdressing apprenticeship, she explains on her large balcony with a view of the Grisons mountains. "No matter where I went, I first had to clarify the toilet situation for myself: Is the toilet insulated? Does the flat have good hearing?" With every sip, every mouthful, there is the fear in my head of having to run to the toilet again with acute diarrhoea. Suppressing it or thinking it away doesn't work. How she was able to cut customers' hair for hours every day without letting on is a mystery to her today. "It got so bad that I only ate crispbread for a while. I was able to keep that down." However, as this is not a permanent condition, she had herself examined by a doctor. She was diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome. A diagnosis based on the principle of exclusion, as there is no test to prove it with certainty. She goes home with tablets in her hand.
Home, that is Chur. The Davos native has lived there with her boyfriend for several years. He knows about Vivien's bowel problems, but it wasn't always like this. "At the beginning of our relationship, I always pretended to take a bath to empty my bowels in peace," says Vivien. Thanks to the taboo on bowel movements. For many women in particular, it is difficult to call a child by its name, let alone go "big" in public. "We women are socialised with the idea of always being pure, clean and fragrant. Bowel movements don't fit in." This shame leads to stress and the suppression of normal bowel activity. "I'm sure today that the head played and still plays a huge role."
The prescribed stimulant bowel medication helped Vivien to get rid of her fear of a sudden attack. "The tablets worked. I could eat everything I liked: pasta, fajitas, potato salad - without the painful side effects." Her mind had relaxed and her life had normalised. After a good year, she stopped taking the tablets again. "I could no longer tolerate them properly. I felt full and bloated all the time," says Vivien. The irritable bowel symptoms disappeared and her head remained relaxed. Until she caught an intestinal infection. "I was in a lot of pain and started to bleed from my anus." She describes the symptom as a nosebleed in the bowel. She travelled to hospital and was immediately given an emergency colonoscopy. "That was the first time anyone had really looked at my bowel." The diagnosis was clear: ulcerative colitis, a chronic inflammation of the colon. "That was a big setback, everything was going so well!" says the hairdresser.
She is prescribed tablets again, but they now have to be stored in the fridge. "My boyfriend and I had planned a trip to Bali. How was I supposed to keep the medication cool while travelling?" asks Vivien. Out of necessity and on the advice of her boss at the time, she contacted an alternative medicine practitioner. "I've always ridiculed the practices of alternative medicine, but I wanted to give them a fair chance." She leaves the appointment with a note full of food that she is no longer allowed to eat. Corn, yeast, meat, all types of flour and apples are just a few examples.
Vivien takes the change in diet seriously for the first time, goes online and hangs out on forums. She learns things about her illness, about nutrition, about ingredients and about foods that should also be digestible for her. Armed with the alternative doctor's note, she goes to the health food shop. "I stocked up on all sorts of things there that I had never heard of before." Vivien cooks more, experiments with recipes and is successful with her intestines. No more cramps in her lower abdomen, no more sudden diarrhoea, no more crying, no more embryo position on the bathroom floor. "Soon I was eating foods again that were actually cancelled for me. I've learnt to listen to my gut and notice whether something is good for me or not." That's why she still avoids gluten as far as possible, but eats meat again. "It was only by limiting my illness that I realised the diversity of food."
While she's telling us all this, she's cooking "smoked lentil bolognese", her absolute favourite dish since she had to give up fajitas. The dish is not difficult, the list of ingredients is short: an onion, a carrot, red lentils, smoked paprika spice, a little red wine, water and sauce. "Many people think it's incredibly complicated to cook in a gut-friendly and - as in my case - gluten-free way." She has conversations like this all the time at work. Customers tell her about "tummy ache" and Vivien offers help. She likes it so much that she started her own blog "foodsensitivien". It's the perfect combination of helpfulness and creativity. She bought a camera, learnt about food photography and started taking pictures of the recipes she cooked. "My first picture was far too cool, incredibly bluish, because I edited the picture on my mobile and forgot to deactivate the blue filter," Vivien recalls. In the meantime, she has taught herself so much more that she feels confident enough to take part in a food photo challenge on Instagram organised by digitec a few weeks ago. "Although I'm not overly social media-savvy for a blogger, I was driven by the ambition to share a subjectively good photo and hear what others thought about it." A little feedback on the aesthetics of her pictures turned into an entire article on the "ugly" side of her gut. What a photo and a little personal research can do.
The 25-year-old has made a conscious decision to make her blog visually appealing and only discuss her ordeal peripherally. "I believe that people are more willing to rethink their diet if they feel visually addressed by the food." She usually only talks about the symptoms and causes of her ulcerative colitis within her own circle. She still feels ashamed of the topic, which she says is "completely counterproductive and stupid". Talking about it is liberating for her mind and gut. The longer she talks, the more relaxed and open she becomes - even in her choice of words. While the gluten-free spaghetti simmers, she talks figuratively about colonoscopies and gastroscopies, laxatives, diarrhoea, constipation and night-time trips to the toilet in class camps. Without any euphemisms, without any stigma. In fact, nothing makes more sense than talking about the bowel during a meal. "The two are so closely connected physically, but there's still a huge gulf between them thematically." Perhaps this will eventually be bridged through open conversations with hairdressers.
