Background information
A brief history of (my) telecommunications
by Thomas Meyer
Meeting up has become so complicated!
17.9.2025
Translation: Elicia Payne
When I was young, it only took a quick phone call to see friends. These days, it requires numerous messages. And several weeks waiting time.
Recently, I did something totally crazy: I called my old friend Simon and asked if he wanted to go out for dinner with me – that same evening. Twenty minutes later, we were sitting in Zurich’s popular Asian restaurant, Lily’s, and talking about how it was usually much more difficult to meet someone. «It’s also full here today,» Simon pointed out, gesturing around the restaurant. «Yeh,» I said, «because they all agreed six weeks ago. Tentatively.»
When we were young, thirty years ago, we called each other at home – we all knew the numbers by heart – and arranged to meet the next evening or the evening after. And it worked. Nobody used the word «tentatively» in this context. No one said the strange phrase, «Let me see.» You’d have been laughed at if you tried to make an arrangement for «the Wednesday after next.» The same for anyone who tried to keep an agenda.
The avoidance curse
Then came the phones. Within a short time, communication shifted to SMS. That didn’t do us any good at all. Until then, we’d dealt with problems in relationships and friendships in person or at least on the phone. Don’t get me wrong, this made you feel terrible, but it usually resolved the matter. Thanks to the new technology, we were then able to avoid direct confrontation.
From then on, we turned into militant lawyers at the slightest opportunity, firing ice-cold short messages at each other. This always ended in bad arguments, but we obviously preferred that to eye-contact. It’s taken me several years to realise how stupid that is. And a few more to break the habit again.
The slippery slope of typing
Even making arrangements suddenly became complicated. What had previously taken a maximum of two minutes of conversation now produced at least five text messages or e-mails. And because you don’t just know one person, but several, the number of messages kept multiplying. Suddenly there were double bookings, questions ignored and the phrase «let me see». On top of that, there were now lengthy pauses between the individual messages.
Again, you’d think we’d soon realise that we were making life unnecessarily difficult for ourselves by writing instead of talking. But somehow we thought the new age was so cool that nobody wanted to go back to the now outdated methods.
Scarce friends
Now, we’ve completely lost where we were going. Recently, I wanted to make arrangements with a friend, which wasn’t easy because we both work and have children. After two unsuccessful attempts to secure a date, he asked me to suggest more dates again, but «in two weeks at the earliest, for us to have a call and discuss potential dates».
Potential dates for a call to discuss potential dates in person!
«Just let me know an evening you’re free,» I asked him. And that worked. Five weeks later. For an hour, then he had to be elsewhere.
It’s not just him, there are many other people who are very close to my heart, that I only have contact with once or twice a year. Sure, I could call them, even several times a week, like I used to. Or they me. Instead, every few months the exchange looks like this:
How’s it going?
Good, you?
A lot going on at the moment, too.
Me too.
Fancy meeting up soon?
Yeh, that’d be great!
Then it’s over. Like I said, I’m no better. I also keep texting back and forth endlessly instead of simply tapping the phone icon (what’s it still there for anyway?). Sometimes I do it anyway, and then people are relieved and talk about how much easier and friendlier it is to make a quick call. Only to forget about it again afterwards.
Updates instead of encounters
When the meet up finally goes ahead, the evening together mainly consists of catching up on what’s happened since the last meeting. There’s a lot of surprises: What, you live in Aargau now? What, you have a second child?
This isn’t a conversation, but rather an update. You hop from topic to topic without delving into any of them, and as you say goodbye, you swear not to let so much time pass until the next time. But that’s exactly what will happen. We’ve become comets that appear briefly in the same sky every 100 years and then disappear again into the darkness.
The rudeness of calling
Of course, this is all just my perception. There are probably many people today who do things the way Simon and I used to. By simply calling. And meeting each other as often as Simon and I used to.
However, my partner, who was born a generation after me, thinks that nobody phones any more. Only I and other boomers would do that. That I was the only person she spoke to on the phone. It’s actually rude to call people these days, she informs me
Calling’s apparently rude? Stunned, I asked for an explanation. Well, my partner said, young people feel it’s intrusive when you call them. It deprives them of the freedom to decide for themselves when they communicate.
I know from my own and unfortunately rich experience what intrusive means. Being called definitely isn’t one of them. If anything, lengthy voice messages are.
A recipe for saving friendships
A few days ago, I did something even crazier. I wrote to another friend, also called Simon, saying that I’d be happy to meet up regularly. Once a month. So we’ve been doing that ever since. And when we’re together, we already organise the next meet up. Just like the olden days, it took a mere two minutes. Plus, it’s a great compliment. It says: I enjoy spending time with you, let’s meet more regularly.
What’s your experience of making arrangements? Do you still call your mates or do you just message? How often do you see your friends and how much time passes before you do? Do you argue via Messenger (stop it now!)? And is Thomas Meyer a boomer? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
Header image: Shutterstock / anto4ka
Thomas Meyer
freier Autor
tacheles@thomasmeyer.chAuthor Thomas Meyer was born in Zurich in 1974. He worked as a copywriter before publishing his first novel «The Awakening of Motti Wolkenbruch» in 2012. He's a father of one, which gives him a great excuse to buy Lego. More about Thomas: www.thomasmeyer.ch.
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