Opinion

Star Wars: I started with Episode IX and tell you what happens in I to VIII

20.12.2019

Translation: machine translated

I had never seen a Star Wars film when I went to see "Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker" in the cinema. Now that I know the ending, I'll tell you what happened before. Film by film. My only prior knowledge: the titles.

An experiment. What happens when someone who has never seen a "Star Wars" film in their life - me, for example - explains "Star Wars"? And every single film?

I want to find out.

The only prior knowledge I have are the film titles. And: I know the ending. I recently watched "Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker" in the cinema - yes, I thought that was a good idea.

So I know where the journey is going. And from the context of the film, I've worked out roughly where it started. That's why I'm sure I can retell "Star Wars" just as well as the most die-hard fans who go to the cinema in a brown dressing gown with a lightsaber resting on their lap. Most definitely.

Be prepared for something.

Episode I: The Phantom Menace

Everything seems peaceful. The brightly dressed - because well - Jedi with their leader Yoda (yes, I know memes too) live in their world and only swing their lightsabers for training purposes. It can't hurt to know a little self-defence. After all, everyone knows the infamous saying "the calm before the storm". As if they had suspected it, a dark force is brewing - the Phantom Menace. The dark-clad - because evil - Sith threaten the Jedi idyll. This is unacceptable, say the Jedi, and so they prepare for battle to put their theoretical combat knowledge into practice.

A scandal breaks out in space. After all, the story is called "Star Wars". Darth Vader, leader of the Sith, against Yoda. Evil may be put to flight, but the next mess is not far away. A female Jedi knight is attracted to Darth Vader's bad boy image and gets closer to him. She is particularly attracted to his creepy mask, which he never takes off.

Episode II: Attack of the Clones

The world after the Sith attack is no longer the same for the Jedi. At least they were able to keep the Sith under control. But there is no time to twiddle their thumbs. Palpatine already senses the next opportunity to defeat good. He is the supreme leader of evil, the CEO so to speak, while Darth Vader is in charge of operations, which is roughly equivalent to a COO. Palpatine sees the budding relationship between the Jedi Knight and Vader as a potential weak point for the people dressed in white. Darth Vader is said to be continuing to sweet-talk the woman and use her inner turmoil to recruit her as an informer.

With the Sith insanely weakened from the first battle, the clone troopers intervene in the conflict. They work as mercenaries on the side of evil. Darth Vader sees his chance to finally crush his adversary Yoda. But he has an ace up his sleeve and gets all the friendly races from other planets on board. So once again, good triumphs over evil - for the time being. Because the interpersonal drama continues. The Jedi knight with a soft spot for evil is pregnant.

Oops, Yoda won't be happy about that.

Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

The Sith can't let it go. As if they've been dropped on their heads one too many times and have been suffering from amnesia ever since, they take on the Jedi again. This time they almost can't lose, because they have the Death Star, a monstrosity of a spaceship equipped with all the chicanes: it can destroy entire planets and shields its evil occupants against most attacks. But only most: the cunning Jedi Master Yoda knows that the Death Star must be destroyed from within.

Now it is he who wants to use the disturbing love-hate relationship between Darth Vader and the Jedi Knight to achieve victory for good. She is to bewitch him and confuse his evil mind with a cocktail of endorphins so that he loses sight of the essentials: the destruction of good. This is her chance to show her Jedi people which side she really is on. However, things don't work out as planned because the knight has a soft spot: little Luke from her tempestuous relationship with the Sith leader.

Her maternal instinct puts her fighter instincts out of action and makes her believe in the good in Vader. The desire for an intact family is too great. She lets Vader have his way. He takes advantage of this and destroys the Jedi's home planet. The Sith's revenge seems perfect. But the Jedi don't take this lying down and head for the Death Star to carry out Yoda's plan. But they underestimate the power of the Sith and suffer heavy losses. Only a few daring fighters led by the leader Yoda and Darth Vader's lover manage to escape the danger zone and settle on the home planet of a friendly race.

Episode IV: A New Hope

A new generation of Jedi Knights has grown up there. They give the weakened people new hope of defeating evil once and for all. Meanwhile, Luke also has a sister named Leia who is two years younger. Fun fact: Luke and Leia don't know about their real father until the old spoilsport Darth Vader informs Luke - yes, even as a Star Wars ignoramus, I know the famous "I'm your father" scene.

The brave Jedi Knight is totally perplexed and questions his entire existence. Is he not really on the good side? The very aged Yoda tries to talk him out of it in his charming manner. But the young fighter's doubts remain. Leia, on the other hand, represses her pain and concentrates on her love life. She begins a fling with Han Solo, a handsome fellow from the planet where the Jedi now live. She also gets to know his companion Chewbacca and falls in love platonically.

Episode V: The Empire strikes back

The Jedi seem distracted by love affairs and self-doubt. The Sith want to capitalise on this. Darth Vader doesn't put much stock in a functioning father-son relationship, yet he tries to plant the seeds of evil in Luke and win him over to his side. He seems to succeed; Luke spends a lot of time with his father at the headquarters of evil.

The Sith are confident of victory, because the Jedi are nothing without their best fighter, Luke. The other Jedi do everything they can to get him back on the right side. But Luke's doubts are too great. He believes that he is unworthy of a Jedi and can no longer return. He cannot deny the evil within him and goes with the Sith to the Falcon, the Jedi space station. In battle, however, he cannot bring himself to kill his sister when he obviously has the opportunity to do so.

Leia now knows that there is hope for Luke. She and the rest of the Jedi remind him how important friendship is and so the good in Luke wins the upper hand after all. Only with the help of this solidarity can they stand up to the Sith and rebuild the Jedi race.

Episode VI: Return of the Jedi

Luke, Han Solo, Leia, Chewie, C3PO, R2D2 and everyone else are now fighting on the same side again. The Jedi are rebuilding in the long-running battle for the fate of the galaxy. Fuelled by Luke's anger towards his father, the Jedi Knights want to put an end to the Sith once and for all.

They have a simple but effective plan: mind over matter. Above all, they rely on their strength of will and their inner cohesion. This is worth much more than their opponents' modern equipment and powerful battleships. Finally, the Death Star is to be destroyed. Luke serves as bait. Under the pretext of having chosen the dark side, he goes to his father and Palpatine in the command centre of the Death Star. As soon as the two have gained enough trust in the Jedi, he strikes with his lightsaber. Outside, reinforcements are already on their way to keep the stormtroopers at bay.

Luke succeeds in defeating the great Master Palpatine. As if that wasn't nice enough, someone is pregnant again: Leia and Han Solo are expecting a child together. Oh, how good life can be. The Jedi have returned...

.. but Darth Vader escapes.

Episode VII: The Force Awakens

The ageing Jedi Han Solo, Leia and Luke slowly but surely hand over the sceptre to their descendants. Ben, the son of Han and Leia, has matured into a young man and learns the fighting techniques of the Jedi Knights. During his training, he meets characters from other races and planets: Rey is a scavenger, Poe pushes spices around on the planet Kijimi and Finn was until recently employed as a stormtrooper by the Sith.

They are all a little lost. Don't know what their destiny is. When the sky darkens again and evil plans another attack, Ben asks his new friends to join the Jedi, because they could use all the help they can get. The old guard around Luke, Leia and Han are not enthusiastic at first, but are won over by the boys' will to fight and their selflessness. They embark on a daring mission with the aim of locating the whereabouts of Darth Vader and defeating him once and for all. Which, of course, they succeed in the end.

The Force has awoken again. Or something.

Episode VIII: The Last Jedi

Rey, Poe and Finn are officially accepted into the Jedi training programme. But their luck doesn't last long. Palpatine, whom the Jedi believe to be dead, is still pulling the strings of the Sith in the background. However, he is so weak that, as a shadow of himself, he only allows his dark generals to carry out his orders. His plan: to destroy the cohesion of the Jedi once again. Because even evil knows about the greatest strength of the white knights.

This time, Palpatine tries to drive a wedge between Ben and the rest of his people without being noticed and without giving up his survival. Because as Leia's son, he is the grandson of Darth Vader and therefore carries his dark genes. This doesn't seem to work at first, but when Ben realises that Finn and Rey - with whom he actually has a crush - are spending more and more time together, he becomes vulnerable. His inner turmoil does not go unnoticed by the others. Nevertheless, they all travel together to another planet to get help from an inhabitant who is rumoured to know about the Sith's greatest weakness.

The trap snaps shut. The inhabitant does not exist. Instead, a seemingly leaderless army of stormtroopers - the First Order - awaits our young heroes. In an attempt to escape, Ben receives the final dagger thrust from Rey when she refuses Ben's help in a confrontation with the stormtroopers; she senses that Ben is no longer the Ben she once knew and cherished.

Now there's no reason for Ben to suppress his evil side any longer. He takes over leadership of the First Order and changes his name to Ren, as Ben sounds far too harmless. With his new army, he single-handedly wipes out the Jedi race. Han Solo, his father, and Luke Skywalker, his uncle, fall victim to Ren's Jedi blade.

Now Rey is the last active-duty Jedi left. The last hope of the galaxy.

This is followed by "Episode IX: The Rise of Skywalker". Of course, I don't want to reveal its content. I'm not a monster. But have I promised you too much? Didn't everything happen exactly like this?

If not, then I would be quite surprised.

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Carolin Teufelberger

Editor

carolin.teufelberger@digitecgalaxus.ch

My life in a nutshell? On a quest to broaden my horizon. I love discovering and learning new skills and I see a chance to experience something new in everything – be it travelling, reading, cooking, movies or DIY.

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